Far From HomeThe first40 days

Your baby next to your skin. Curtains half drawn. A hearty, warming meal brought to your bed.

In almost every culture I've read about, the weeks after birth have a name, a length, and a circle of people whose role is to look after the mother.

The details change from country to country, but the shape is remarkably similar.

More often than not, the people doing that caring are women. Her mother, her sisters, the women next door, the midwife. At their best, these traditions bring many hands around a new mother, caring for her while she heals.

Forty days, almost everywhere

In my reading I came across a study from Norway that compared postnatal customs across cultures and through history. The same number kept coming back: 40 days. So did the same customs inside those days: a special diet, rest, some time apart from the outside world, and help for the mother.

The exact length varies. Depending on the culture, it can last anywhere from around 26 days to 100.

But what happens during that time is remarkably familiar. Family steps in. The mother is relieved of housework and given time to rest. Particular foods are prepared for her. There are rituals around washing, keeping warm and caring for the newborn.

For a while, the focus shifts. The mother is no longer expected to do it all herself.

Japan: satogaeri bunben

Satogaeri bunben means a “homecoming birth”. Late in pregnancy, the mother goes back to her own parents' home and stays there for one to two months after the birth. Her own mother usually takes on the practical help. Her family cooks, helps with the baby and goes with her to appointments.

There are no fixed rules about what she eats or when she can bathe. The point is simply that she is at home with her own family while she recovers. She is looked after by her own mother and her own family.

Taiwan: gue̍h-lāi

In Taiwan, the month after birth is called gue̍h-lāi, and observing it is tsò-gue̍h-lāi, meaning “doing the month”. It usually lasts 30 to 40 days.

What makes Taiwan particularly interesting is how this tradition has found a place within the healthcare system. Postpartum care centres are licensed facilities regulated by the Ministry of Health and Welfare. Dietitians plan meals that may include traditional dishes such as sesame oil chicken, ginger duck and fish soup.

Some older practices, like avoiding washing your hair, have softened over time. Keeping warm and drying off thoroughly may still matter, but strict rules have given way to a more flexible approach.

The underlying idea remains: a mother deserves time to recover, nourishing food and people whose job it is to care for her.

Latin America: la cuarentena

La cuarentena refers to the first 40 days after birth. Women in the family and community take over the household so the mother can rest, recover and get to know her baby.

She may keep her head and neck covered, eat light, nourishing food and wear a faja, a cloth wrapped firmly around her belly. Womb massage and prayer are also part of the tradition in many families.

How closely these customs are followed varies from family to family.

It is a time for the whole family to adjust to the new baby, too. Fathers may take on more of the household responsibilities, allowing the mother more time to rest and recover.

Nigeria: omugwo

In omugwo, the new mother's own mother, or sometimes her mother-in-law, comes to stay for around 30 days. She cares for mother and baby, sharing the knowledge and experience she has gathered about caring for a newborn.

The mother receives hot water therapy, sitz baths, massage and belly binding. She is also given a spicy pepper soup, traditionally believed to help bring in her milk.

It is a time for a mother to be cared for by someone who has been through it herself, while learning to care for her own baby.

Korea: sanhujori

In Korea, sanhujori, meaning postpartum recovery, traditionally lasted 21 days. A straw rope called geumjul was hung across the gate to mark the arrival of a new baby. Seaweed soup, miyeokguk, remains one of its best-known foods.

Today, many Korean mothers spend around two weeks in a sanhujoriwon, a centre offering nursing care, newborn checks and feeding support.

India: forty days of rest

In India, postpartum confinement practices vary across regions and communities. In some families, the mother observes a period of rest lasting around 40 days, with relatives taking over household duties while she recovers. Massage and warm, nourishing foods are common features of these traditions.

Pakistan: jaapa

In Pakistan, jaapa refers to a traditional period of postpartum care, often lasting around 40 days. The mother is encouraged to rest, with family members taking on household responsibilities. Massage and warm, rich foods are common, traditionally believed to support recovery and breastfeeding.

Malaysia: 44 days

In Malaysia, Malay mothers traditionally observe a 44-day confinement. Practices may include urut massage, herbal baths and bertungku, the application of a heated stone to the belly.

Thailand: yu fai

In Thailand, yu fai traditionally involved the mother resting near a fire for around 30 days. Today, elements of this practice continue through warming treatments, massage and herbal steam.

England: lying-in

In England, the tradition of lying-in dates back to at least the medieval period. After giving birth, a mother would spend several weeks recovering at home, supported by female relatives, friends and attendants. The period often ended with churching, a religious ceremony marking her return to the wider community.

Friends might visit with caudle, a warm, nourishing drink, and these visits became known as “taking caudle”. By the eighteenth century, the term lying-in had also found its way into the names of dedicated maternity hospitals.

The details changed over the centuries, but the underlying idea was familiar: after birth, a mother needed time to recover, and the people around her had a part to play in that care.

The Netherlands: kraamzorg

In the Netherlands, postpartum care is called kraamzorg. During the first week or so after birth, a maternity care assistant (kraamverzorgende) comes to the family's home for several hours a day. She checks on mother and baby, helps with feeding and shows parents how to care for their newborn.

The care is covered by basic health insurance, although families pay a statutory contribution and the number of hours depends on their circumstances.

Finland and Scotland: the baby box

In Finland, expectant mothers who meet the eligibility requirements can receive a maternity package from the state: a box filled with baby clothes, bedding and other essentials, which can also double as a baby's first bed, or a cash grant instead.

The scheme began in the 1930s and was extended to all mothers in 1949. In 2017, Scotland introduced its own Baby Box scheme, inspired by the Finnish example. It contains clothes, bedding, books and other essentials for a baby's first months, along with a mattress and fitted bedding so the box can be used as a sleeping space.

Neither scheme is a substitute for hands-on postpartum care, but both offer practical support at the start of family life. They also reflect an idea that runs through many of these traditions: welcoming a baby is something society can help families prepare for.

Germany: Wochenbett

In Germany, the tradition lives on in the Wochenbett, literally the “weeks in bed”. It begins at birth and traditionally lasts six to eight weeks. During this time, mothers are entitled to postnatal care from a midwife (Hebamme), including home visits.

After Effie was born, my midwife came every day for twelve days. I've written more about how this care works in The Wochenbett.

As the Wochenbett draws to a close, the focus often begins to shift towards Rückbildung, postnatal recovery and rehabilitation. Attention turns to the pelvic floor, rebuilding strength and gradually returning to movement.

But becoming a mother doesn't end when those first weeks are over. Many midwives and doulas, myself included, recognise that the transition into motherhood can unfold over months, even years. The Wochenbett is not the end of that journey. It is the beginning.

Many hands, around you

Many of these customs have faded over the last seventy years, and with them, some of the rest and practical help a new mother once received.

Not every family's experience of these weeks is a gentle one. Sometimes cultural expectations, religious beliefs or family hierarchies leave a new mother with little say in how she is cared for, and she finds herself looking after everyone else instead.

Whether the traditions themselves protect a mother's mental health is less clear. From what I have read, what matters is less the customs themselves and more the quality of the support around her, and whether that support feels right for her.

I don't see these traditions as a set of practices to recreate exactly. I see a common thread running through them all: a woman who has just given birth needs looking after, too. She needs people who recognise how much she is going through and are willing to show up for her.

And who you invite into those first weeks, and what care looks like for you, is yours to choose.

The threads worth keeping

Different countries. Different customs. Different lengths of time.

And yet, so much of it comes back to the same things.

A mother who doesn't have to worry about the housework. Food appearing when she's hungry. Someone who knows how to help when feeding feels difficult. Time to get to know her baby without feeling she should be doing something else. Someone else answering the door.

Not complicated things, really. Just the kind of care that allows a mother to rest, recover and find her feet.

It doesn't take a particular culture or a particular budget. But it does take thought, and people willing to show up.

When your women are far away

Many of these traditions rely on having family close by: a mother, a sister, an aunt, the women next door. But many of the families I meet here in Germany don't have that. Their own mothers may be a flight away, and a partner, if there is one, may only have a couple of weeks off work.

This is where a postpartum doula can help.

Your midwife (Hebamme) checks on your physical recovery and your baby's wellbeing. A doula's attention is on you, too. She might cook something nourishing, listen while you talk through your birth experience, help with feeding and settling, hold your baby while you sleep, accompany you to an appointment or help you find the right support when you need it.

If you're in or near Potsdam, my 40 Day Recovery Plan helps you think through what support might look like during those first 40 days.

If you'd like a doula by your side, there are several websites where you can find doulas in Germany. Have a look around, read about their training and experience, and see what kind of support they offer and what they charge.

But just as importantly, have a chat with them. Ask questions, get a feel for who they are, and notice how you feel in their company. You're inviting someone into a very personal part of your life, and you deserve to feel comfortable with the person you choose.

You don't have to recreate any one tradition exactly. You can borrow the soup from one, the quiet from another and the person who answers the door from a third. You can keep what feels right for you and leave the rest.

What did the first weeks after birth look like in your family?