A gentle place to begin
After a loss
Whatever has happened, and however far along you were, your loss is real and your grief is allowed. You do not have to hold it alone.
Last updated June 2026 · Written and reviewed by Emma, Birth & Mother
01
You are not alone in this
If you are reading this, something has been taken from you that you were not ready to lose. A pregnancy that ended, a baby who died, a hope you had already begun to build a life around. There are no right words for it, and there is nothing you need to do here except breathe.
Loss in pregnancy and around birth is far more common than the silence around it suggests, and that silence can make it lonelier than it ever needs to be. However early or late it happened, you are allowed to grieve, and you are allowed to ask for support. This page is a soft place to start, in your own time.
02
The care that is yours
In the first days, your own care matters. A few things are worth knowing, gently:
- Your midwife (Hebamme) can care for you after a loss, not only after a birth. Postnatal midwife care (Wochenbettbetreuung) is available to you after a later loss, for your body and for the practical questions, and it is covered by your insurance.
- Your doctor can sign you off work (Krankschreibung) so you have time to rest and grieve, without having to explain yourself to anyone.
- Your gynaecologist (Frauenarzt) is there for the physical follow-up, and to talk through what happened and what it may mean, at whatever pace you need.
- You do not have to make any decisions about the future right now. Questions about trying again, or about why this happened, can wait until you are ready to hold them.
Be as gentle with your body as you would be with someone you love. Rest, warmth, food you do not have to think about, and people who let you feel what you feel.
03
People who understand
Some of the deepest comfort comes from people who have walked this themselves. In Germany there are gentle, experienced networks for exactly this, many with groups and contact people across the country, and there are warm English-speaking organisations you can reach from wherever you are.
You do not have to find them alone. These are the places I would point you to first, at no charge, and there for exactly this:
Across Germany
- Initiative RegenbogenA nationwide network after miscarriage, stillbirth, or loss around birth, with groups and contact people across the country. In German.
- VEID, Verwaiste ElternThe national federation for bereaved parents and siblings, with regional support groups, grief seminars, and an online forum. In German.
- Bundesverband Kindstod (BVKSG)A nationwide association for loss in pregnancy and after birth: counselling, groups, and referrals into local support near you. In German.
- Dein SternenkindVolunteer photographers who, at no charge, gently document your time with a baby who has died. On call across the country.
In English, from wherever you are
- The Miscarriage AssociationWarm, plain-English information on miscarriage, ectopic and molar pregnancy, with email support, live chat, and weekly online groups open to people outside the UK.
- SandsFor anyone whose baby has died before, during, or shortly after birth: a 24/7 online community, email support, and online meetings you can join from Germany.
Near Berlin and Potsdam
- Child Loss BerlinAn English-speaking group that meets in person in Neukölln twice a month, for parents who have lost a baby in pregnancy or to stillbirth. Get in touch by email to come along.
- Donum Vitae Berlin-BrandenburgConfidential counselling, at no charge, after miscarriage or stillbirth, with an office in Potsdam. The team works in German, so ask whether English is available.
If you are struggling badly, or the days feel unsurvivable, please reach out today. The pregnancy helpline 0800 40 40 020 is confidential, at no charge, and answered around the clock in English among other languages. You deserve someone on the other end of the line.
04
When you are ready, your story
There is no timeline for grief, and no stage you are supposed to reach by now. Some people want to talk straight away; others not for a long time, if at all. All of it is allowed.
When and if you would like to, telling the story of what happened, slowly and to someone who will simply listen, can be part of how you carry it. That is what Your Birth Story is for: a quiet, unhurried session held entirely at your pace. There is no right time for it, and no wrong one. It will keep until you are ready.
A gentle note
This is comfort and signposting, not medical or psychological advice. If you have any physical symptoms that worry you, contact your midwife (Hebamme), your gynaecologist (Frauenarzt), or your nearest clinic. If you feel you may be in crisis, the Telefonseelsorge line on 0800 111 0 111 is there day and night, at no charge.
Alongside you
Held, for as long as you need
There is no part of this you have to carry alone. Whenever you would like a gentle hand, in finding support or simply in being heard, you are welcome to reach out.